Since I’ve been learning to meditate using the Jon Kabat-Zinn method, my life seems to have slowed down bunches. The need to go-go-go and do-do-do isn’t as strong. In fact, there’s an Unattached Part-Of-Me who seems to be observing me from a bit of a distance and doesn’t give a hoot whether I do anything at all. For the first time in my many years of trying to meditate, it’s beginning to fall into place and I’m feeling much more at peace with my world and myself.
The true test of this newfound peaceful state is the fact that we’ve just endured three weeks of roofers, window, insulation and furnace installers without my having ruffled my feathers much at all. It’s almost as if I’ve found a new part of me who views the whole drama from a bit of a distance from my body. This Serene part of me even watches the old me becoming upset about various things: the chaos of house reconstruction; what Jan seems to be doing or not doing to my liking; my reaction to what the world is or is not doing at the moment. But since I’m increasingly able to maintain this distant viewpoint, things don’t touch me as deeply. Though I have deadlines to keep and plans to keep up with, this part of me moves along at a whole different level of contentment and confidence. It almost feels as if I have a larger, heavier, more grounded part of my being keeping me anchored to a sense of calm at the core.
In the meantime, the Worrier part of me who keeps nagging at me, asking me if I don’t think I SHOULD be DOING a whole lot more. Or if I SHOULD somehow BE other than I am. Or that the world SHOULD be other than it is at the moment. In spite of this other side of me, I seem to be managing this newer, calmer pace. No. I don’t have to stay busy all the time. Don’t have to make another doll. Another quilt. Another purse. Another chore. Unless I want.
This feels new to me, yet somehow more familiar. At any rate, a much more pleasant side of me to live with than the nagging, worrier me. I also suspect that she is moving in and will stay awhile.
The true test of this newfound peaceful state is the fact that we’ve just endured three weeks of roofers, window, insulation and furnace installers without my having ruffled my feathers much at all. It’s almost as if I’ve found a new part of me who views the whole drama from a bit of a distance from my body. This Serene part of me even watches the old me becoming upset about various things: the chaos of house reconstruction; what Jan seems to be doing or not doing to my liking; my reaction to what the world is or is not doing at the moment. But since I’m increasingly able to maintain this distant viewpoint, things don’t touch me as deeply. Though I have deadlines to keep and plans to keep up with, this part of me moves along at a whole different level of contentment and confidence. It almost feels as if I have a larger, heavier, more grounded part of my being keeping me anchored to a sense of calm at the core.
In the meantime, the Worrier part of me who keeps nagging at me, asking me if I don’t think I SHOULD be DOING a whole lot more. Or if I SHOULD somehow BE other than I am. Or that the world SHOULD be other than it is at the moment. In spite of this other side of me, I seem to be managing this newer, calmer pace. No. I don’t have to stay busy all the time. Don’t have to make another doll. Another quilt. Another purse. Another chore. Unless I want.
This feels new to me, yet somehow more familiar. At any rate, a much more pleasant side of me to live with than the nagging, worrier me. I also suspect that she is moving in and will stay awhile.
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