Next chapter
So far I’ve covered the going down into the pit of my experiences. The losing of self and the merging into the group mind. The holding on to my dreams of teaching and living on a mission. Now it’s time to shovel through the debris to reach the liberation experience of the missions.
In some ways, I wasn’t really suffering at all. Merely feeling the loss of intimacy, which I would most likely have been feeling at home anyway. What teen in her right mind wasn’t disassociating from her parents and dreaming of escaping family? I’d already accomplished that and was ready to move into my dream future. In the convent, I’d begun over-idealizing my parents, which wasn’t normal, but gave me the stability of spirit to continue moving through the alienating experiences I’d been drowning in since I'd left home. I was blessed with a loving home. I felt loved, wanted, admired and appreciated by mom and dad. Home was no longer a possibility for expansion for me. Though I allowed myself ecurring daydream of escape back to being a regular teen, the practical, disciplined part of me was resigned to making my life where I had been re-planted.
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