Unconscious Again

Whenever my mind wanders, I’m unaware.. . . .Unconscious.

According to spiritual books, most of us spend entire days, weeks, entire lifetimes, being mostly unconscious. Mostly unaware of what it is we are doing. Eating, for example. We inhale our food and want more, since we are mostly unaware of having eaten at all.

Being conscious is like being enlightened. 

Alive. 

Awake. 

Here in the moment. 

Present. 

I meditate almost every day for a whole hour and find myself chasing an endless parade of thoughts. Being unconscious. Though I may sit as still as a mummy and try to focus on my breath, my thoughts keep sucking me into.  . . making to-do lists. . .

or replaying yesterday's conversations. . .

.. . or worrying about what ifs. . .

Physical activities like going for a walk, trimming the bushes, pulling weeds, or vacuuming are already mind-numbing and the perfect tine to focus in the NOW.  But I’m often unconscious even then. How easy wouldn't it be to deeply immerse myself in the muscles of my legs as I’m walking, or on the beauty of the outdoors as I’m clipping several inches off the Azalea bush—one whack at a time. Instead, I’m thinking about what so and so said to me yesterday, or last week, or a lifetime ago. Or wondering where I'm ever going to find the time to do everything that needs being done.

What a joy it would be to be able to lose my blabbering mind. My spiritual book gives me some encouragement though, reminding me that catching myself being unaware is the first step to awakening. 

I'm catching myself more often lately. 

Maybe that means there's some hope.