Lawns and Hospitals

I arose early this morning and started cleaning the house with a frenzy. Two hours, two loads of laundry and a much cleaner house later, I was suddenly exhausted. The whole thing with Jan suddenly caught up with me. Then I drove in to see her in the hospital for about an hour and returned home. The sun is shining brightly and some of the heartier of the neighbors are out trimming trees and cleaning up their lawns. Our huge lawn is filled with dead branches and pine cones and awaits my attention patiently. I told the lawn it would have to wait for at least another day or two, even if the Vain Part of Me is concerned about what a mess it looks like and "what will the neighbors think?" Even in the midst of life and death, I worry about the trivial. Must be good to myself. Forgiving. Allowing the softness in.