Tomorrow I'm leaving for Eugene to enjoy another three-day weekend of Breema, which is always a delicious retreat experience. Most of our days are spent sitting or lying around on multiple layers of expensive Persian rungs, receiving or giving Breema. It feels like the equivalent of what a Spa experience might be. It’s always so luxuriant. Almost decadent.
Since the beginning of my second round of The Artist Way, I’ve begun sinking into some really self-appreciative states of being. A "click" has occurred in my ongoing "contrast" relationship with Jan. Without knowing exactly how or when, I've "let go of caring" whether Jan appreciates me or not. Stopped begging or expecting her to notice me; touch me; be good to me at all. And now, surprisingly, there has been a profound change in our relationship. Almost without realizing it, I've "crossed some kind of line". Let go of my usual worry, desire to change or control who she is or how she acts, and it feels so very right and peaceful.
I no longer "give a damn", yet feel a new level of appreciation and understanding with her. And aside from Jan, I feel a new kind of joy in being my own self. In truth, I can say it no longer concerns me who I live with, or where I live. I've somehow turned an invisible corner in which nothing external has changed at all, and yet enjoying all the everyday aspects of my life in a wholly different way. Call it an "awakening" of some kind. I think I've begun doing what's called, "living in the moment". "Allowing". Not expecting anything or anyone. . . even myself. . . to be changed, and feel so much freer. Suddenly the whole earth seems wide open and profoundly sacred. It's hard to describe.
Since the beginning of my second round of The Artist Way, I’ve begun sinking into some really self-appreciative states of being. A "click" has occurred in my ongoing "contrast" relationship with Jan. Without knowing exactly how or when, I've "let go of caring" whether Jan appreciates me or not. Stopped begging or expecting her to notice me; touch me; be good to me at all. And now, surprisingly, there has been a profound change in our relationship. Almost without realizing it, I've "crossed some kind of line". Let go of my usual worry, desire to change or control who she is or how she acts, and it feels so very right and peaceful.
I no longer "give a damn", yet feel a new level of appreciation and understanding with her. And aside from Jan, I feel a new kind of joy in being my own self. In truth, I can say it no longer concerns me who I live with, or where I live. I've somehow turned an invisible corner in which nothing external has changed at all, and yet enjoying all the everyday aspects of my life in a wholly different way. Call it an "awakening" of some kind. I think I've begun doing what's called, "living in the moment". "Allowing". Not expecting anything or anyone. . . even myself. . . to be changed, and feel so much freer. Suddenly the whole earth seems wide open and profoundly sacred. It's hard to describe.
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