Blue Light Special

In the very spinning of the following tale of my life, I have deliberately modified it. Shaped it to fit my own newly emerging version of Who I Really Am. Funny how empowering this kind of rewriting feels. Funny how wonderful. Like the repetition of affirmations, it

leads my spirit along a fresh, new pathway. Along

the way to a new version/vision of my true and

loving Self.

What my parents never knew about me is that I am a Sapphire Blue Spirit. One of a humongous group of souls, who provides a sort of track lighting for the Big Event of this millennium, which I’ll further clarify later in my story. Most of the time, I keep my Blue Sapphire-ness a secret, which explains the oddness of my character. Like being able to see lights that enfold each person from within. Depending on the color, I’ve always been able to steer clear of folks at will, like my parents, when they were in a grouchy, red mood; or mom when she was on the sudden lookout to enslave me as a dishwasher. Sometimes I chose to escape her, but other times I would observe her discouraged spirit, dimmed and flickering like a light bulb about to die, and I’d pitch in and help her set the table, clean up after and tend my younger brothers and sisters. At such times, though mom never admitted a favorite, the warm, rose-colored light fthat was hugging me from her heart gave gave her away.

Fitting in at school, being normal, or popular amongst my peers, was and still is a skill I never chose to learn. I never pretended like a mean teacher; kiss up to the cutest boy or girl or act happy over something stupid, like the momentary victory of one bunch of ball-kicking, body-shoving, uniformed boys over another. Nor have I ever avoided the runny-nosed, fat kids, whom no one else wanted to be caught dead around. All I could see in any person, regardless of his or her exterior trappings was the kind of light he or she radiates. And in school back then, it was often the runny-nosed fat ones that one’s happened to be Sapphire Blue. Thus I can recount many a school recess spent exchanging shades of Blue.

Though I've sometimes tried, I’ve never mastered the art of wearing or not wearing the right color, hairstyle, or prescribed clothing or proper words to share. . . for whatever the occasion. I’ve always merely felt good being who I was because my light felt right, and I sought out others for the same reason.. Acting proper or “normal” often makes no sense at all, because I gauge the nature of my interaction with others according to the color and intensity of their light. How my light intermingles and is drawn to theirs is my focus. If someone is blaring a hot red light my direction, no matter what his or her mouths may be wording, I respectfully head the opposite way. If a catch even the slightest glimpse of Sapphire Blue, I’m there.

Like a lighthouse, I stand amidst the seas of my life, sending out my shade of blue. Thus I I have frequent encounters with other Blue Light Specials along my way. There is always that immediate spark of recognition between us. Our Sapphire Blueness is shared like a mutual hug of heart and spirit. There may or may not be a single word. It may simply be an awareness of one another’s presence in passing, or amidst a crowd. But always there is a blessing given and we each continue our separate ways, our Sapphire Blueness glowing even brighter.