Do Not Disturb

If I’m not what I’m thinking or doing, then who am I?
And what part of me wants to know?
What would happen if I had no agenda for what’s next?
Or if I stopped doing anything at all?

Right now, if I threw out the “shoulds and allowed spontaneity to swallow my otherwise orderly procession through life; I’d retreat into privacy somewhere.
A place without TV, books, hobbies or even my ongoing list of things to create.
A place where I could easily lose myself and forget what track I’m on for awhile.Without a single other person in the whole world. Like that place next to the ocean, where some of the family stayed during the reunion last summer.
Only this time, I would be the sole occupant. Just me, the house, and the ocean outside my door.
How long would I merely sit and look?
How long before I felt lifted off my feet. . . .propelled. . . .carried to the beckoning waves?

Would I need to stop before I started; to use my phone to call home? Or would I first head for the refrigerator or bag of snacks for a bite or two?
Or would I welcome hunger, as I would the solitude?

If aloneness kicks in, what then?
Would it feel good?
The emptiness. . .
The solitariness. . .

I'd allow the urge to free myself; strip down to “bare me” and dash out into the night. I'd flop down on my back and stare into the twinkling blackness. I'd have long since exchanged my practical pants and top for my long, swishy skirt. and I'd counted the stars awhile, I'd stand and begin to swirl and chant myself into endless, dizzying circles. My body would mimic the path of the countless galaxies watching me from above.

Eventually I’ll call a halt to my life and allow an escape. An opportunity to find this swirling part of me. And when I do, I’ll take her by the hand and spend an eternity or more with her. This Naked, unique Jewel of a Being that I am.